Why Do Children Use Play Instead of Words?

As a parent, have you ever wanted to know more about what is happening in your child's world, but only to be met with brief responses? We might ask questions such as, "How was school today?" "Did you make any new friends?" or "How is your teacher?" Yet the answers often sound the same: "Good." "Fine." "Nothing much." It can leave us wondering what our child is really thinking and feeling, or maybe they are just "beating around the bush"? Sometimes we feel frustrated that we cannot seem to get a deeper response. However, once we "push", our child becomes emotional dysregulated and give us tantrums.

We are the closest people around our child, but it feels distant, significantly.

In my work with children, I can tell you this actually makes sense.

The reality is that children's brain does not seem to function in the same way from adults - in other words - they are still developing their language and vocabulary words, , emotional awareness, and cognitive abilities needed to identify and describe complex emotion.

We can image if our child is able to speak like adults: "I feel anxious about school, because the teacher seems strict" or "I'm worried about what happened at home," parents likely wouldn't be so exhausted, and your child probably wouldn't experience tantrums and emotional dysregulation. However, children often communicate these experiences in different ways.

Instead of using words, children naturally express themselves through play, behaviour, and relationships. Play is their primary language.

"But my child just plays, where is the point that my child is communicating?" My response, as a clinical counsellor doing play therapy, is often that what your child plays is frequently something they have experienced or observed in their life, like pretending to be a nurse caring for a patient, acting as a superhero to battle an enemy, or rescuing someone vulnerable. All experiences and observations become integrated into their inner world, influencing how they see the world.

For example, in play therapy, a child who is feeling powerless may repeatedly act out rescue scenarios with toys, and in another play therapy session, a child who is being bullied may repeatedly display aggressive behaviors such as punching a sand bag. A child struggling with anxiety may engage in repetitive rule-breaking behaviors in play therapy that helps them gain a sense of control and predictability. We cannot judge the child at face value, but through play, children can communicate thoughts and feelings that they may not yet have the words to express.

Play is often described as the "language of childhood." Just as adults might process experiences by talking with a trusted friend, children often process experiences through imaginative play, storytelling, art, movement, and creativity. In the playroom, toys become the child's words, and play becomes the child's way of sharing their inner world.

As a counsellor doing professional play therapy, I often observe that children will reveal far more through play than they initially communicate verbally. When children are provided with a safe, accepting, and non-judgmental environment, they can explore emotions, experiences, and challenges at their own pace. This is one of the reasons Child-Centered Play Therapy can be such a powerful and developmentally appropriate approach for supporting children's emotional growth and well-being.